There are times you talk about family
For how they made you feel,
or they didn’t.
There are times you talk about friends
For good things, they’d promised,
or they hadn’t.
There are times you’ll talk about
People or things you care,
or you won’t.
Maybe it’s time for you to go
Maybe it’s time for you to change,
or maybe it’s just you
A person of wishful thinking.
That you wake up each day
To look forward to feeling
Something new —
Yet, it still feels the same.
That you speak to the whole world —
How infatuated you have been,
No more, no more,
“It’s it, I would first fall in love with.”
That you long for the moments
More than the persons themselves.
Of dancing stars and night skies,
To which you weep your tears most.
It isn’t just you.
Don’t you think that our priority has changed its pattern from time to time? Kalau bukan berubah 360° pun, mungkin ada parts of how we view certain things are getting better there and now? Dulu kita sangka bulan ikut kita tapi sebenarnya bulan tu sedang mengelilingi bumi. Dulu macam ni.. Dulu macam tu..
Dan banyak lagi “dulu & sekarang” punya cerita lepas tu. You list them out. Tidak terkira.
I haven’t yet finished reading Mitch Albom’s For One More Day, but I have fallen deeply in love with his stories—which eventually have moved me to talk about something from the past—as days pass by. Sure, there are some things in my mind which are yet to be shared on here. I planned that to happen after many months actually and I still keep it safe in my document, just in case I’ve changed my mind. It was rather a promise I made to someone that I would post something in early April. Tu pun fikir juga dua tiga empat kali why do I keep reminiscing and judging the past? When I go through those scenes over and over again, I was talking almost about things happened in the past.
I admit that sometimes I’m a narcissist in my own way. This is a personal blog and I think it’s O.K. to post something we have in our mind, about our life experiences or our freaking opinions and yeah, people would judge us for it. Although I know there is a kind of tongue-tied situation which might make us irresistibly look like a narcissist or psycho but it’s O.K. to let it out.
It’s tougher to express ourselves in real life because it’s hard to find someone who can pretend well enough that they give us nothing. Sometimes we want to express ourselves in a way that we can’t in the real world. The online world is like a podium for the creatively oppressed and the quietly depressed.
And I chose to let it out through writing although I’m not good at it.
I’m not telling people to suka hati la nak tulis apa pun, to be fake or what else you want to be apatah lagi cakap tentang Freedom of Speech. Bukan yang tu. Tapi ini lebih encouraging people to be a warrior, instead of being a worrier. Yeah we can write things we want to—I’m not anyone who can refrain someone from doing such—but, dalam menulis pun ada misi dan visi juga. Not a mere confession nak mengadu mengkritik itu ini saja. O.K. now just imagine I’ve never said that to you.
Even I myself still take time to open up to people and tell them what I really think of me in the past. Ada sebab why we chose to let it out this or that way. It’s all about expectations. If we have a preconceived idea of what life (or anything else) should be and then it turns out differently, it can be quite the letdown.
Tipulah kalau cakap kita tak perlu bantuan or presence another human by our side. Kita semua hakikatnya perlu someone else out there yang akan bantu kita shape our characters in life, either secara langsung atau tidak.
Happiness is fickle. When we try to heal and find ourselves lost in the track of time, we’re actually allowing ourselves to even embrace the past and it’s O.K. It’s just beautiful when we look it at the other side and accept it the way it is. The way it inevitably challenges us to be better, we would never tell that we have grown up being someone we’re now. Just because something or someone has become our past, it doesn’t mean we have lost everything yet. Banyak hikmah yang tidak terduga dan cuma Dia-lah yang Maha Tahu.
Everyone has trials and tribulations. No one’s life is easy, or perfect. We all struggle with something in life and only that soul can pass up the exact untold stories to another soul. Maybe some of us just decide to tell it in different ways? It doesn’t matter, though. We tell people a story the way we want them to hear us howl. We write something to people the way we want them to read us juggling the past. We just did that when the time comes. How about eulogy? Ah… That’s about one’s personal thoughts.
As if we try hard to heed people just the way we read or listen to their stories, it’s ridiculously hypocrite to rather say “I feel you” to them because we don’t. We don’t feed our instant curiosity towards someone’s attitudes merely with 10 minutes of confession, or when he spits out that common utterance of being mentally hurt or when he paints any delusional look on his face.
Nonetheless, we can still opt for lending our hands towards them with anything we have: pities, realistic minds, and little hopes. We still have something to help others with and that’s a challenge for us too. Harapan tu sentiasa ada, it doesn’t matter kita berdoa untuk jadi lebih kuat, untuk jadi manusia yang lebih baik atau untuk perbaiki familial ties, harapan sentiasa ada. While there is life, there is hope, right? Rather keep it in mind that God always heals us the way He gives us that pain, (and I have to sometimes admit this) tak semestinya dengan menulis. It could be through anything. Ada banyak cara kita boleh ambil and reconsider our future actions.
At least we’ve made things easy enough for ourselves that we can live to tell the tale. It’s not what we wish for ourselves. We’d never wish to be where we are now, but it could be so much worse. We should be relieved for the choices we’ve made. We should be relieved that we were strong enough then to let go of some things, so that now when we’re weak, we’re still stronger than we could’ve been.
Mungkin bukan sekarang, someday, we will. Perhaps that we could dream the memories away, if only our mind could surrender itself to sleep.
It’s just too much. Either being a warrior or worrier, I may somehow break my rules too. Sebab tuhan lah tempat yang selayaknya kita meminta pertolongan dan perlindungan, bukan hanya bila kita mengadu. If they say life is rotary, there must be a starting and ending point, and we eventually get back to where we first started. Juga, kita balik bukan dengan tangan kosong.